The Diary of a 23 year-old mistress

Inside infidelity: Diary of a 23-year-old mistress
A woman weighs the guilt, pleasure of dating a married man twice her ageBy Emily Rozen

updated 4:35 p.m. ET July 13, 2009
We were in his office. I could see photos of his wife smiling and laughing on the bookshelf and his desk. I'd thought about escaping when I first saw them that evening. Instead, I stayed, feeling nauseous about the person I'd become. He's just too charming, his presence too intense for me to resist. To be honest, my willpower is nothing to brag about. And it doesn't help that I'm falling in love.

We met at my first business conference when I was 23 and right out of college. He sat down next to me, smiling, burning my left cheek with his gaze. He had dark hair, a goatee and a scar on the side of his face. I shifted around for a position that would avoid the strange, immediate sexual tension. Our body language felt like foreplay.

‘Maybe he’ll be easy to resist’
He was persistent from the start, a quality I find extremely sexy. He shamelessly invited me for a drink in front of my boss. I assumed he was single because he mentioned his ex-wife and I was taken aback by my disappointment when he said he'd remarried. After drinks, he asked whose hotel room we'd end up in that night. I found him slightly ridiculous. "It was nice meeting you," I said, as he dropped me off.

A few days later, the flirting continued as he sent e-mails to my boss, cc'ing me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about what would happen next. When he asked me again for drinks I wanted to say no, but I trusted myself to do the right thing. Sort of. I thought since I was so anti-cheating I'd have no problem having one drink and going home with the halo still around my head. But deep down I knew this could get me into trouble. Dating a married man would make my previous scandalous date nights look like child's play.‘Is this the type of person I am? Dating married men?’ I wondered. I felt so guilty, and moreover, I felt guilty that I enjoyed it.

I was relieved when he arrived at the restaurant — the tension from the conference was gone. "Maybe he'll be easy to resist," I thought. But one, two, three drinks later and it was over.

The cab home from our date was intense: the lights outside were blurred, the ride felt faster than usual. We continued the kissing that got us kicked out of the fancy lounge, and when he unzipped my pants I couldn't believe I was so weak. He doesn't know this, but I cried all that night, kneeling in my bathroom after he dropped me off. I thought about his wife at their house, about how I had lost my self-control. "Is this the type of person I am? Dating married men?" I wondered. I felt so guilty, and moreover, I felt guilty that I enjoyed it.

After the date I wrote to him saying it could never happen again. "If that's what you want," he wrote me. "Let me know if you change your mind." I didn't want to say no, but I knew I should — you're not supposed to date married men. But he'd figured out how my mind worked — leaving the ball in my court put me in control, or so I thought. After our next date at a swanky local jazz club, I went home with him.

Sliding into his bed, slipping under his dark sheets, I watched him follow me, muscular and handsome in the dim light. I knew he was older but not sure by how much. Already in bed together, I asked him his age. "Forty-five," he told me cautiously, and I felt the thrill of being with a man twice my age.

That next morning, I woke up to the light. His wedding ring encircled a finger of the hand that had touched my body in her bed. The tan high-heeled shoes I'd left out in the hallway were now inside the bedroom. Was he worried she'd come back early from her trip and see them? Photos from their wedding on the walls suddenly drove home what had just happened. I'd never wanted to know what she looked like. I forced my attention to the details knowing if I didn't, I would fall for him. I got dressed and left in disgust — with him, with myself, with what this was.

After three months, it was clear that the details wouldn't stop me. Seeing him once a week was no longer satisfying. "Hello" and "goodbye" phone calls turned into hour-long conversations. Wink text messages became "I miss you." "I want you" became "I love you." I worried about how we got here and where it was going.

He told me there were things he needed that she simply couldn't give him. "I don't just want children, I need them," he said over red wine during another intense conversation. She didn't want kids. He told me that I'd helped him come to these conclusions. It seemed like they'd never talked about having a family before they married. But I kept quiet about her. None of this was for me to judge.

It was clear to me that his realizations were causing their relationship to unbind. I wondered if I was just a distraction from his situation, or someone who came into his life to help him figure out what he wanted.

Open marriage, open mind?
They decided to have an open marriage. They both agreed that if one of them had an affair they wouldn't tell the other person. As far as I knew she didn't know about me, but he didn't seem to mind her finding out. It was as if they lived together but had separate lives.

It's been eight months now. The other day he texted me, saying "We're like the stars in Twilight, incapable of removing ourselves from a dangerous relationship." Our emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sexual connection is undeniable. It's so overpowering that even though he's married I have no desire to be with another guy. They're all completely uninspiring in comparison.

The book “Eat, Pray, Love” describes a soulmate as, "Someone who shows you everything that's holding you back, bringing you to your own attention so you can change your life ... They tear down your walls and smack you awake ... They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself."


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How an affair saved my marriage


I used to think cheating was the worst crime — being unfaithful to a commitment seemed like the ultimate betrayal. Marriage, in my mind, was a romantic concept surrounded by the idea of true love, not adultery. Plus, I've seen what happens to the mistresses in the movies. Now I see it differently: It's a selfish commitment to yourself to get to that uncomfortable and unknown place — a place that shakes you up and compels you to confront your needs, to move your a step closer to yourself.

Our affair has forced me to break my walls against intimacy, to feel desired, to be myself with someone for the first time. I feel like I'm allowed to tell someone what I need, and he's happy to oblige. In the past I'd always wanted to do things on my own, but he's showing me how nice it is to have someone help me.Do I feel guilty? Yes. Do I feel like a home-wrecker? I do.

There are certainly hard times. I go back and forth between loving and hating him, wanting to commit and wanting to leave him. But for the most part it feels good to finally feel emotions like this. The two of us have exceeded the boundary of passion, and I can't imagine going back to something less.

The possibility that I could be the person he's looking for makes me shaky. He's amazing to me, I'm just not sure I'm ready for commitment and a family. I'm not even sure what the two of us would be like without her in his life, what we'd be like together as a couple out of the closet, seeing one another every day. But I'm most nervous about him leaving me.

What happens in the future depends on many things — his relationship with his wife and how long the two of them can handle an open marriage, his desire for a family versus his commitment to their union, what I can handle and what I want from him, and what he wants from me.

Do I feel guilty? Yes. Do I feel like a home-wrecker? I do. But if, in several years, he is happy and has a family, with me or without, and I can finally let people in behind my emotional walls, then our meeting will have been worth it — especially if the two of us are together in the end.

Your turn!
Is it ever OK to date a married man?

Signs Of Cheating Men - Unfaithful Men Facts

Survey outcomes give valuable information regarding the reasons and infidelity deeds of men. Surprisingly, the springiness that men appear to have towards their ego, even tough not meaning to cheat, they consider discrepancy as something that must be at all times avoided. History reveals us that mankind has since long ago tolerated a certain level of polygamy and besides religion norms, financial status is the only impediment.

Polygamy practices in ancient times The statement sustaining that men are rational and capable of reflection towards their actions is disputable, but the more advanced mankind is, the more elaborate from sexual characteristics point of view is going to be. By observing males behavior within species, it has been proved that they consider procreation as a priority, after first place being occupied by food supply.

Therefore, looking from a development perspective, the charge brought to men as moral fibre lack is not fully based, because anthropological studies revealed that in the past human societies have tolerated polygamous marriages up to 85%.

Furthermore, the main ground why men are cheating is clearly due to sex starvation and the necessity to find new sources and ways of satisfaction. The impossibility to master these inner wants is sustained by other two reasons that are said to be among infidelity causes and men past habits of cheating; a habit regarding the disappointment suffered and lack of sex appeal; the disappearance of novelty produced between whiles.

There are also other foolish and childish reasons that determine men to cheat their wives as for example, due to continuous nagging, some cheat to take revenge on the nagging spouse and to feed his ego. But this interpretation and solution are both wrong, and unfortunately, it usually leads to constant cheating.

The Periods when Men Might Cheat Research show that during the life of relationships there are four intervals containing the necessary ingredients for infidelity to thrive. After experiencing the first year of marriage, an emotional downward sloping curve is noticed due to the disappearance of marriage novelty feeling. The first born period has a considerable impact on the relationship dynamics due to the attention focused on the little one, thus the husband sometimes considers infidelity as a mean of satisfaction. After approximately 7 years of marriage, the couple has carried out the goals established earlier and the husband find himself yearning for those old and almost forgotten experiences and thus, tries to find them in order to invigorate him.

Finally, during the middle age they both have spent a lot of time together and they begin to question their commitment. This period is often seen as the second infancy stage for the men, and he might get involved in inappropriate or selfish activities. As human beings have good and bag days, so do relationships pass in time through less resistant periods when infidelity can arise.

Plus, it has been proved that sexual behavior is influenced by age and as men grow older, their sexual appetite decreases as well as extra-marital intercourse, and sexual abstinence is ought to increase.

Uncover more tips on how to detect married man cheating as well as hot discussion on topics like should a cheating man confess when you visit http://www.infidelityman.com, the most popular resources on catch a man cheating

Being Healthy is a Wonderful Gift

Health is such a wonderful gift but many take it for granted. What can you do when you are healthy? You work for your children or for yourself, your enjoy exercise and outdoor activities; you play with friends and children. Your life becomes very interesting; in fact you think life is worth living. This is actually the way life should be. But what if you are not healthy enough to enjoy life? What if you are bedridden and all you can do is to wish you could do all the things healthy people do. That is when you will begin to appreciate more what a privilege good health is.
You will discover that good health like wealth does not come cheap but a result of hard work, conscious effort and at times even sacrifice. But why do people live their lives so recklessly defying the laws of health at the risk of their health? Many have cultivated wrong habits of living thus endangering their health. Good health is not on autopilot, it is an asset that you protect and care for in order to continue to enjoy. Cultivating good habits of living encourages good health in a holistic sense - Physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Bad habits bring disease and ultimately premature death.

Many invest huge amounts of money on health insurances and medical aid and yet do very little to ensure good health. Good health cannot be bought in any way. Without good health the world’s richest man is poor. It is as if people could invest much more money in ensuring that they are healthy than spending huge sums of money trying to recover failing health. The rational choice would be to spend all the resources in the prevention of disease but on contrary the world’s people are happy to follow the medical paradigm of cure which has proven ineffective in dealing with sickness and disease.

When you are finally sick because of reckless living, cures are not easy to come by and if they do the cost is very high. And indeed there are very few medicines that really work to cure disease.
While it is advisable to adhere to the laws of health in order to be healthy, you may be sick already. Your loved ones may be sick already. What options do you have? Are you afraid of these diseases: Cancer, Diabetes, Asthma, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, Hepatitis?

What if you lived in a world where cancer – or any other disease – was no longer a threat to you? What if you never had to experience the horror of receiving a doctors chilling diagnosis of a terrible disease – or watch helplessly as someone you care about suffers from cancer or some other life-threatening disease – with you not being able to do anything about it?

What would you be willing to give to ensure that you and your loved ones would never need to suffer or die – from so-called “incurable” diseases that are actually curable?

If you are like most people, chances are, you or someone you know suffers from one or more of the many diseases of mankind such as cancer, hepatitis, multiple sclerosis etc.

Imagine never having to worry about getting the flu again -- or suffering from migraine headaches, gum disease, sinusitis, anemia, lupus, bronchitis – and any other disease for that matter. What if you no longer had to live in fear that one day you'll develop a disease that "runs in the family" or get diseases that naturally come from "getting older" or from bad lifestyle choices? And what if you had a one-minute cure (which costs only 1½ cents a day to self-administer) that could get rid of virtually any disease in the event that you actually acquired one? I know, I know. You're probably thinking, "That just can't be true! How could one simple remedy possibly cure all diseases? There's no such thing as a panacea." Well, you have every reason to be skeptical. I know I was. But if you can suspend your disbelief for a moment -- you're about to learn the most amazing health secret anyone could ever possess. Your life -- or the life of your loved one -- could very well depend on this information. Click Here!

Reconstructing The African

Just like the moons,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like high hopes springing high,
Still I rise
- Maya Angelou

I am indigenous to Africa – the source of knowledge and the cradle of mankind. I am the offspring of the black people of Egypt who built the mighty pyramids, the originators of philosophy, Mathematics, Medicine and Art. Indeed I am the descendant of the intellectuals who imparted their knowledge to Western thinkers such as Opheus, Musaeus, Melampos, Daedalos, the poet Homer, Lycurgus the Spartan, Solon the Athenian, and Plato the philosopher, Pythagoras of Samos and the Mathematician Eudoxos, as well as Democritus of Abdera and Oenopides of Chios. My great grandparents were respected, appreciated and celebrated by the Greeks who by mistake are credited by the West as being the progenitors of wisdom. I exude with pride to have descended from such achievers though there is rhetoric of European denial of Africa’s capability that accompanied the dispossession of our continent. This was perpetrated along with the conquest of Africa, Asia, and America. Western hegemony was not only about colonizing land, but a project of colonizing information about the land.

In Antiquity when my people were at their peak of intellectual pursuits, there was no United States, England, Germany and France – that was the time when the Greeks came to study in Africa to learn of the intellectual pursuits of the land while Europe wallowed in darkness.

I am of the blood of the people who taught philosophy and astronomy to Thales, the first Greek philosopher, those under whose tutelage Pythagoras spend 22 years. It was my ancestors who taught philosophy to Socrates in Egypt - not in Europe but in Africa. My people did not wait for the Greeks to figure out how to construct the pyramids or to diagnose the diseases of the human body.

I claim the ancestry of the people who for more than 2000 years ruled the world and built one of the first powerful civilizations on earth. Those who took Western people captive, and turned them into their own slaves. I am talking about people who at one stage were commissioned by Yahweh to make provision for the hungry of the West, those who incubated Joseph and turned him into a prince. I am always instilled with a sense of awe as to why Yahweh decided on Africa – my father land – as a site where his yardstick of righteousness (The Ten Commandments) would be delivered amid thunder and fire. A chill of fear runs down my spine as I ponder upon reasons why Emmanuel (Christ) found hospitality in Africa when Western powers sought to destroy God’s plan to save mankind.

I am of the black people of Africa imbued with Ubuntu as to feel the pain of a man condemned without justice to the death of the cross by his own people conniving with powerful Western political powers – indeed one of our own (black) carried the Cross for the weary man.

One is indeed privileged to be associated with a continent that originated Ubuntu and philosophy around 2800 BC, some 2200 years before Thales of Miletus who is considered the first Western philosopher. My ancestors were separating red ochre from iron in a cave in Southern Africa. They were already practicing the science of distillation long before the arrival of Van Riebeeck in 1652.

I pay homage to Emperor Septimus Severus who ruled the Roman Empire in the 1st century CE and led the Roman legions into Britain. Why would I omit to give my respect to the great African Popes such as Pope Saint Victor (189-199 CE), Pope Saint Miliades (311-314 CE) and Pope Saint Gelasias 1 (492-496 CE) who occupied the seat of the papacy in Rome and gave glory to Africa.

In my veins rushes warm blood that carries genetic material of a great modern day messiah who exemplifies victory over Western subjugation through Ubuntu. I express the rhetoric of the one who through powerful intellectual discourse seeks to take African Renaissance to greater heights. With clear visualization I am able to behold the resistance of my people against colonialism as they defeat Western armies at the foot of Thaba-Bosiu culminating in the death of Wepener. The Japanese sang my great great-grandfather’s praises when they said: ‘For a Samurai to be brave, he needs a bit of black blood’.

I salute the great Statesman (Moshoeshoe) who imported missionaries in the hope of securing everlasting peace for his nation, only to be rewarded with British imperialism and capitalism interwoven with Western religious expression that would destroy the culture and confidence of my people – the importation of a civilization that led to the destruction of our psyche, and our sense of pride, the distortion of our history and the inculcation of a sense of shame about being African. They were all calculated to secure our oppression. If they (the West) would succeed in making us doubt our humanity, we would ourselves become perpetuators of our own oppression.

Our collective experience of that civilization which introduced slavery, colonialism and neo-colonialism brought about a culture of subservience, dependency and lack of dignity among many Africans. This collective experience demands a rebirth, a renewal or a re-invention of Africans and Africa - African Renaissance.

"African Renaissance is an historical project, it must become
A force that drives us to a better future. The starting point is to shake-off the historical baggage that has enslaved us for centuries" Shadrack Gutto - Unisa

"The African Renaissance in proper historical context is essentially the rise of the Africans, on the continent and in the Diaspora, from slavery, colonialism, segregation, apartheid and neo-colonialism. The African Renaissance is not a single event. There have been episodes, spanning several generations, in the rise of Africans, many episodes in their still unfolding culture of liberation" – Mbulelo Mzamane – University of South Australia.

"Those who have eyes let them see. The African renaissance is upon us. As we peer through the looking glass darkly, this may not be obvious. But it is upon us." – Thabo Mbeki, 1997

You may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
-- Maya Angelou

Be Courageous

I really take joy in reading and watching positive motivating stuff about life rather than concentrating on life's negatives. i have chosen to live my life happily and not attracting gloom by being gloomy and negative. I enjoy reading Tom and Penelope's blog at www.richdreams2.com and this afternoon i read some interesting stuff which i have copied in toto. Please read and comment.

"A few days ago Penelope, Lucy and I went over to a friends house for dinner. I must confess I was not in the brightest of moods. What I really wanted to do was curl up on the couch and go to sleep.


That was until I met the clerk at Chick-Fil-A. I had been sent to pickup food for everyone. When I walked up to the counter I felt the happiness radiating this guy like the heat off the blacktop on the 4th of July.


And it wasn’t a sappy, fake, happiness. This guy was for real. He asked me how I was doing, if I had been sent by my wife to pickup food (I had 3 post it notes stuck together with handwritten orders), and gave me probably the best customer service I’ve had anywhere in the last 6 months.

I walked away stunned. And I thought to myself this guy has got guts.

He has courage to be happy NOW.


It really does take courage to live happy now. A lot of times we get it backwards. I will be happy when X happens. But what about until X happens? Will you live your life in misery, worry, and fear? And if you do what is that going to attract?

Our feelings affect our point of attraction

It seems counter intuitive doesn’t it? Be happy even though your life is not where you want it to be.
But your life is not going to be where you want it until you get in alignment with what makes you happy.

Be Courageous, Be Happy

It takes courage to choose happiness. Anytime you make a choice it takes courage. You are taking a risk. Choosing one road over the other without knowing exactly where it will lead.
Choosing to smile not knowing if people will think you are crazy. Choosing to accept that you deserve to be happy. Choosing to accept that everything always works out.

Who do you want to be?

Let’s be real, who would you rather spend time with, the cheery happy guy behind the Chick-Fil-A counter or the grumpy guy with 3 post it notes worth of orders and a bad attitude?
I will not be offended if you choose the guy behind the counter. I’m with you.

How are you going to be courageous today? Let us know in the comments! "

A Christian Man Cheating!

I am a Christian but I have cheated before. I wish I could deny this fact knowing that it is true like many men do but I can’t perpetuate this sinful attitude just because I want to look clean. But I want to talk about the discomfort that comes with it, the guilt and the pain of illicit relationships. You see, our society accepts that it is not that despicable to have illicit relationships which make one very uncomfortable and yet it looks down on men who marry two or more wives legally declaring to the same society that I am a responsible man I don’t want to hide. For me the discomfort of cheating is much stronger than the idea of a legitimate legal marital union which does not arouse God’s anger.

Polygamy certainly makes most people angry who are lenient on cheating but it does not make God angry at all. This is hypocrisy on the side of most people especially of the Christian type. I have heard people talk about how polygamy is a kind of adultery – and this is a lie. I have also heard people talk about the many problems of polygamy, the negative impact on children etc. Surprising enough the countless family problems I know emanate from monogamous unions and yet people do not think monogamy is problematic.

I hate cheating, God hates cheating. I hate divorce and God hates divorce. I have no problem with polygamy and God has no problem with polygamy too. I accept that polygamy was not God’s original plan as much as staying single has never been God’s original plan. God has a number of ideals which have never been followed but he tolerated, such as monogamy, Theocracy etc. Moving away from these ideals becomes an aberration but God becomes tolerant and accepting. Polygamy however, has never been for every man even in biblical times. What were the prerequisites? Is it possible in modern times? Can we support its sinfulness from the bible?

My next post will deal at length with God and polygamy. The biblical view of polygamy and the current Western world view against polygamy. Controversial isn’t it?

A Look Into Women's Mentality Regarding Polygamy

As a man who condones polygamy I have interviewed a lot of modern women about this topic and almost 90% of them have the same feeling. This leads me again to conclude that women think very differently from men because of the way thery are wired and structured. Most women are very possessive of their men and they want to remain the only focus of their husbands love. Despite the fact that there are far many women than men making men short in supply no woman wants to share a husband. Short supply I say and you are surprised because global statistics put women just a bit higher at 52%. The number of men is reduced by the many men who have been incarcerated in prisons and the number is increasing. Lately we have a growing number of men who are becoming gay making the gap larger and larger. In Southern Africa the migrant labour system caused shortages in rural and homeland areas for most of the year. The system is still impacting most societies today. Do you see the shortage now? I will elaborate further when I post about polygamy.

I am just surprised by the way women think. They can’t share a man by way of polygamy even though some of their kind cannot have a piece of a husband. They are so opposed to a legal and legitimate arrangement because of their jealousy and yet there is a sharing they can compromise about. Most women have told me they would rather have their husbands cheating than marrying polygamously. They say it is better for a man to cheat than embarrass them by marrying another wife legally. I regard this as some kind of madness though there’s nothing I can do about it.

Women claim that a polygamous man will spread diseases and yet they accept that a cheating man is better. They say it is better not to know who your husband cheats with than knowing the other woman in their husband’s life. I guess that is why many men have children outside wedlock unknown to their wives. This actually gives men an advantage because he can cheat and support in secret and at the same time refuse to take full responsibility because the other woman is not known legally. I am convinced that men always want to spread their seed at all cost – it’s natural. That is why there is so much tension when a woman cannot bear a child.
By refusing polygamy women are actually giving men an advantage of cheating and not taking responsibility. The kind of situation that we find ourselves in is proliferated by the current westernization of our world. I have discovered that in Western Law polygamy is detested and outlawed while adultery has few legal sanctions against it if any. To make things worse they think it is Christianity to outlaw and abhor polygamy and not frown on adultery in its different forms. Serial monogamy is so prevalent in Western countries and is practiced by Christian law while polygamy which was acceptable in biblical times is frowned upon by the same people. This is utter hypocrisy.

A message to modern day women

Times are changing swiftly and the way men are becoming extinct it seems five to ten women will fight for one man. It is better for men to be involved legally in a way that does not arouse God’s indignation than allowing a practice that will subject men to God’s scrutiny. Westernization does not equal Christianity.